top of page

A Microsoft Professional

I don't really know the target audience of this one,

If it isn't obvious then the tune is that of A Modern Major General by Gilbert & Sullivan

A Microsoft Professional

When I grow up I want to be a Microsoft professional,

With tales you wouldn’t hear outside a Catholic confessional,

I’d know about the ins and outs of matters very technical,

And have certifications for my studies academical.

With databases I would chase the secrets of the universe,

And spreadsheets set to calculate the rhymes of this infernal verse,

I’d stay up late to cogitate a theory quite incredible,

And ruminate and masticate on pizza crusts inedible.

He’d stay up late to cogitate a theory quite incredible,

And ruminate and masticate on pizza crusts inedible.

 

I’d work around the clock to learn my system top to bottom as,

I take on the aroma of a rancid hippopotamus,

So don't think I'm hysterical or turning hexadecimal,

When I grow up I want to be a Microsoft Professional.

So don't think he's hysterical or turning hexadecimal,

When he grows up he wants to be a Microsoft Professional.

With optimistic targets my director never understands,

The IT World is held in place with gaffer tape and rubber bands,

With servers here and firewalls there surrounded by technology,

I'd write a script to automate the brewing of a cup of tea,

When Murphy’s Law knocks at the door and people think I’ve dropped the ball,

I’d keep my head and check instead the power sockets on the wall,

Your PC’s hung, you’d like to bung the bastard out into the street,

I'd sort the mess with just press (you guessed it) Control-alt-delete.

Your PC’s hung, you’d like to bung the bastard out into the street,

He'll sort the mess with just press (you guessed it) Control-alt-delete.

Configuration parties would replace my need for alcohol,

Excited by dynamic host configuration protocol,

Domain Controllers everywhere would replicate my debonair,

When I grow up I want to be a Microsoft Professional.

Domain Controllers everywhere would replicate his debonair,

When he grows up he wants to be a Microsoft Professional.

I'd rearrange your mail exchange to make it almost usable,

And block the threats and phishing nets of hackers inexcusable,

The girls would gather round and find my hard-drive irresistible,

They'd surely swoon as very soon they'd see my DNS Table.

My MCP would guarantee position at the top table,

Where geeky folks tell nerdy jokes and stories quite improbable,

We’d sit around and try to sound like normal individuals,

And end up swapping tales of when the server logs turned critical.

They’d sit around and try to sound like normal individuals,

And end up swapping tales of when the server logs turn critical.

While checking on the archive I would find among the overflow,

The corpse of an apprentice who I thought had left a year ago.

There's no rank in the World that's greater than System Administrator,

So I really yern to be a Microsoft professional.

There's no rank in the World that's greater than System Administrator,

So he really yerns to be a Microsoft professional.

This site and all text, narrative and images displayed therein are copyright © 2025 Chris Chapman.
All rights reserved.  Please do not reproduce any image, text or narrative without permission.
bottom of page