A selection of paintings, drawings & jottings

My avocado’s bloated,

It’s really quite obscene,

The puddle gives the game away.

The Water Bastard’s been.

​

My bacon’s bubbling in the pan,

It’s like a submarine,

Diving low in H2O.

The Water Bastard’s been.

 

They try to sell me apples,

The juiciest ever seen,

The damn things have no flavour.

The Water Bastard’s been,

 

A tin of ham’s enough to feed,

Your hunger if its lean,

It’s not supposed to quench your thirst.

The Water Bastard’s been.

 

My sausage shrank to half its length,

Inadequate and mean,

I try to reassure The Wife,

The Water Bastard’s been.

 

We're suckers sold on succulence,

We’re forty shades of green,

So steer well clear of anywhere,

The Water Bastard’s been.